Xanthippe Voorhees

The Danger Shop was once more in the classroom configuration, and Liliana was not alone at the front of it. She and Don were chatting softly as the class entered, and once the bell or whatever went off, she nodded to him to begin.

"Hello," Don said to Liliana's class. "I'm Dr. Donald Blake, and I've been asked to talk to you about surviving the zombie apocalypse. I'm assuming this means your standard zombie apocalypse scenario where society has broken down and whatnot, so, how do you survive that?

"The first and most important thing is sanitation. Honestly, you're probably much more likely to die from bad drinking water than from being attacked by a zombie. We're assuming the powers that be are no longer maintaining the water supply, so clean water is no longer coming out of your pipes. If you're collecting rainwater or collecting it via evaporation--which I just know is an option, I don't know how to teach you to do it, sorry--it's going to be pretty clean already unless acid rain has made a comeback, but if you're collecting water from a source like a pond or river, you're going to need to boil it for at least one minute. 'But Dr. Blake, I thought running water was--' No. Boil your water. The same goes for food. Heat is your friend. If you're living off the land, for the love of Thor, cook your meat thoroughly. If you're eating canned goods, most of them are okay to eat even a few years out of date, but boil them for at least a minute, and don't eat anything if the can looks funny--dented, bulging, any of that.

"Cleanliness is still important in the apocalypse. If you have soap, use it. Wash your hands. Maybe wash your hands more than you did before, because you can't afford food poisoning. You don't have to boil the water for washing! It's not going in your body. And for the love of Thor, keep your latrine on the opposite side of your camp or whatever from your water source. Remember: in all things, cross-contamination is not your friend.

"Now, in my first aid classes, I usually show my students how to stabilize their patient until they can get to a medical professional. That's what first aid is. In this scenario, you may not going to have access to a medical professional, so the best thing you can do is be careful. Don't do anything daring or risky that could lead to you needing an ambulance and an OR on standby, because you don't have either of those things. You may have a stick to bite and a buddy who knows how to sew. Keep that in mind."

With that, he turned to Liliana and asked, "Was there anything else?"

Liliana smiled at him and shook her head. "Not unless there are any questions from the class...?"