A Dorm Room at Voorhees Hall, Columbia University, New York, Sunday

[sampippy]

Xanthippe was officially Stressed Out.

It was all over an essay, which wasn't even due until next Friday, but it was important and she had to get it perfect, because what if she didn't? What if she didn't, and she flunked out of the class, and she flunked right out of college, and her father would disown her and her mother would disown her and then she would have to move in with Kimmy and deal with that whole freak show and she would lose all status and purpose in life and probably, like, end up becoming BFFs with Kimmy's extra-weirdo landlady and getting matching tattoos in a crack den and --

Anyway, yeah, she was currently doing what any self-respecting college student would do in her situation: screaming into a pillow.

Thank Christ her roommates weren't home right now.

[ooc: NFB but open for texts/calls/surprise visits!]

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[vrajna_kralis]

"Then what's it about, Xan?" Hya demanded. "Make me understand, I beg of you!"

[sampippy]

"I don't know!"

That sounded a little more like a wail at the end, there, and she did not like it.

"I don't -- I didn't want today to be this." And that was more like a whine. A loud one, though. And desperate, somehow. "And at least just one miserable freaking person is better than two. If this is the, like, the second to last time I even see you then I don't wanna do it with you looking sad because it hurts, Hya, it hurts."

That wasn't really doing anything to the tears, by the way.

[vrajna_kralis]

"Nor did I," Hyacinthe said, his voice gentling some. "'Tis why I hadn't wished to tell you, or at least, not so soon. So today could be full of good memories, ones to cherish once I am gone." He stepped forward, closing the gap between them, bringing his hand up. He wanted to wipe away the remains of her tears, but was unsure she'd let him. "You think it doesn't hurt to see you struggle to put on a good face for me?"

[sampippy]

Xanthippe didn't move away, or try to stop him. So, that was at least something, right? But with her tear-streaked cheeks and the subtle tremble in her bottom lip as she exhaled, she looked kind of crushed.

She said nothing.

[vrajna_kralis]

"Come," he said, and drew her back onto her bed. He sat and tried to bring her into his lap. "Just let it out, Xan. 'Tis easier if you let it out, rather than trying to hold it all back. Let me comfort you, if I might."

[sampippy]

"I don't wanna need comfort."

That one was a full whine. Also, ridiculous. But at least she moved willingly with him, even if she also ended up trying to hide her face against the crook of his neck pretty much immediately.

[vrajna_kralis]

That was fine. He just stroked her hair and rocked slightly. "But I would give it anyway," he told her, his arms a strong cradle around her.

[sampippy]

"I don't want you to go." Her voice was very quiet, and small, and all too sincere for her own liking. She made a face, not that he could see it. "Great, now I sound six."

[vrajna_kralis]

"Sound six for all I care," Hyacinthe said. "Sound four even. Stop running yourself down for having feelings, Xan."

[sampippy]

"But they're pointless."

Felt that way.

"I mean, I know you're gonna tell me they're, like, normal and healthy and whatever, but still."

[vrajna_kralis]

"No I'm not," he said, gently. "Instead, I'm going to tell you that swallowing them down turns them into poison. They can make you sick. They can make you mad. You needn't act on your every emotion, but you shouldn't hide them all, either."

[sampippy]

"It's not, like, poison-level swallowing," Xanthippe claimed. Sullenly. "I can be... sad, after you've gone."

Being it openly right now seemed like a waste of time. Hers and his.

[vrajna_kralis]

"But you are sad now," Hyacinthe said. "You can be sad that I am leaving. In fact, I think I'd be offended were you not." He kissed the top of her head. "Let us just sit here for a few minutes. I shall hold you and you can just feel. And perhaps, by then, the pain will be less immediate and we can move on to something else."

[sampippy]

Her eyes were welling up again.

Because the truth of the matter was that she was sad. She was so sad. Like, last time she could remember feeling this had been senior year, when she'd had to go back to Jacqueline and her dad's apartment and pack up everything from her old rooms, her home, after their divorce.

She made a frustrated, wet sound. But at least she didn't argue.

[vrajna_kralis]

"I am sorry for the hurt this causes you," Hyacinthe said, nuzzling her. "But I am glad you're letting me comfort you. If you fall apart now, I can help pick you back up."

Not put her back together. That was something only Xanthippe could do - and she would, she was brave and fierce. But he was there to help make the task less arduous, if he could.

[sampippy]

He was making it worse.

But she wasn't going to tell him that. Because he was making it worse for her by making it better, because right now it was an active reminder of everything that was going away with him.

But anyway, she wasn't in any state to tell anyone anything. Her shoulders shook, just a little.

[vrajna_kralis]

He just kept petting her and rocking her, murmuring sweet nothings in French and Tsingani, just as often as English, content to stay like this until Xan calmed down on her own.

This wasn't how he'd envisioned the day, no. But he would rather this than sex covering up the hurt she felt.

[sampippy]

Xan herself would've probably chosen cover-up sex a hundred times over rather than choose this. But here she was, sobbing.

Eventually, though, she began to calm down. The quaking of her shoulders happened further apart, at first, then stopped entirely until she was just nuzzling his neck, and breathing.

[vrajna_kralis]

Hyacinthe didn't stop rocking or petting her, even once the tears dried. He did reach for her drink and pass it to her. "You ought drink," he murmured. "You'll get a headache otherwise."

[sampippy]

Xanthippe had to pull back a little to accept it. Her makeup was mostly on her cheeks, so she looked kind of raccoon-y.

Maybe she should review the mascara online somewhere. 'Handles sex great, desperate sobbing not so much.'

"Thanks," she murmured as she took the drink.

[vrajna_kralis]

He reached up to thumb away some of the worst of it from under her eyes. "I will admit, I liked it better when I was giving you other reasons to be thirsty," he said, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. "But thank you for trusting me with your vulnerability, Xan."

[sampippy]

Xanthippe made a vague noise that could've been one of protest, but maybe it was just grudging acknowledgment. Or something. Whatever.

She felt worn down.

"Can we just... pretend this isn't happening?" she asked, but then her fave scrunched up. "I don't know if that's the right way to say it." Especially after their heated discussion about pretense, just now. "I just mean, like, I just want to not think about it right now." Next time maybe being the last time. "I don't want it to like, steal this from me, too."

[vrajna_kralis]

"We can," Hya agreed. "So long as you're not going to make me let go of you anytime soon. I like you right here."

[sampippy]

Xanthippe sucked down a big gulp through the straw. The can made a tell-tale noise of being close to empty.

"Wasn't going anywhere," she said, a little glumly. But she was trying to shake that off. "Hya, tell me something good? Anything, just distract me."

[vrajna_kralis]

"Well," he said a little self-consciously, "would you be offended did I tell you some about my home? I just...I know thinking about Terre D'ange is probably not what you'd like best to think of, but...if you were to visit, I'd like you to know what to expect."