A Dorm Room at Voorhees Hall, Columbia University, New York, Sunday

[sampippy]

Xanthippe was officially Stressed Out.

It was all over an essay, which wasn't even due until next Friday, but it was important and she had to get it perfect, because what if she didn't? What if she didn't, and she flunked out of the class, and she flunked right out of college, and her father would disown her and her mother would disown her and then she would have to move in with Kimmy and deal with that whole freak show and she would lose all status and purpose in life and probably, like, end up becoming BFFs with Kimmy's extra-weirdo landlady and getting matching tattoos in a crack den and --

Anyway, yeah, she was currently doing what any self-respecting college student would do in her situation: screaming into a pillow.

Thank Christ her roommates weren't home right now.

[ooc: NFB but open for texts/calls/surprise visits!]

Comments

[vrajna_kralis]

Angelic genetics - even distant ones - were a hell of a thing.

"Nay," Hyacinthe admitted. "But I did not exactly cause you joy several minutes ago either."

[sampippy]

"I'm fine."

Liar.

But she was trying. It was awfully natural for her, trying, she did it all the time. She stepped into the room and towards him, already forcing the frown to smooth out. Trying to find a convincing little smile.

"Everything's cool."

Liar.

[vrajna_kralis]

Yeah, Hyacinthe did not seem to be buying it.

"Eisheth's tits, Xan," he said, hands on his hips. "Do you need to be sad, be sad. Cry, rail, complain, yell if you need to. But do not pretend you are fine when you so obviously are not."

[sampippy]

What a short-lived attempt at a smile that'd been.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Xanthippe snapped. See? Super short-lived, because now she was frowning again, complete with a glare. "I'm trying not to make you feel bad!"

Because it kind of broke her heart to see it, on top of everything else.

[vrajna_kralis]

"You think I'm going to suddenly believe you're fine after you had to leave?" Hyacinthe snapped. "Grant me some intelligence, Xanthippe! You think I'll not feel worse that you're uncomfortable showing me your true feelings?"

[sampippy]

"I am uncomfortable showing you my true feelings!"

Except right this second. Right this second, she was yelling. Quite comfortably, at least if measured by whether she tried to hold it back any, or not.

"I'm uncomfortable showing anyone my real feelings! There's no point, everyone leaves." Or it was more like she didn't have anyone to begin with. But that was something of a separate issue. "And I can't even be mad at you because I get it, I know you have to go home! You have to go back to your -- your family and your friends and I get it."

Not as well as she would've liked to, considering how her own family-and-friends situation looked. But she'd seen enough movies and had enough empathy in her system to figure out how that was.

Her expression was still twisting with anger, though. "But I'm still gonna be here. So just let me do what I want!"

[vrajna_kralis]

She would kill herself, turn herself inside out for this family of hers and yet she couldn't understand that tug that pulled him home. That was a damn near tragedy.

"Fine, Xanthippe," Hya said, out of energy for anger. He had more sorrow than anything else, really. "If you needs must lie to me, do so. Just don't expect me to play along."

[sampippy]

Sorrow was private. Anger spilled outward more easily.

"Fuck you, Hyacinthe," Xanthippe snapped, proving the narrative's point.

She didn't know which point her eyes had welled up at. But she did know she had tears streaming down her face now.

[vrajna_kralis]

"I cann't pretend that you don't hurt!" Hyacinthe snapped back. "It is not in me to do so, not even for your pride! I would rather feel bad with you than be fine at your expense!"

[sampippy]

"It's not about pride!"

Although the way she was furiously wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her bathrobe probably was about that.

[vrajna_kralis]

"Then what's it about, Xan?" Hya demanded. "Make me understand, I beg of you!"

[sampippy]

"I don't know!"

That sounded a little more like a wail at the end, there, and she did not like it.

"I don't -- I didn't want today to be this." And that was more like a whine. A loud one, though. And desperate, somehow. "And at least just one miserable freaking person is better than two. If this is the, like, the second to last time I even see you then I don't wanna do it with you looking sad because it hurts, Hya, it hurts."

That wasn't really doing anything to the tears, by the way.

[vrajna_kralis]

"Nor did I," Hyacinthe said, his voice gentling some. "'Tis why I hadn't wished to tell you, or at least, not so soon. So today could be full of good memories, ones to cherish once I am gone." He stepped forward, closing the gap between them, bringing his hand up. He wanted to wipe away the remains of her tears, but was unsure she'd let him. "You think it doesn't hurt to see you struggle to put on a good face for me?"

[sampippy]

Xanthippe didn't move away, or try to stop him. So, that was at least something, right? But with her tear-streaked cheeks and the subtle tremble in her bottom lip as she exhaled, she looked kind of crushed.

She said nothing.

[vrajna_kralis]

"Come," he said, and drew her back onto her bed. He sat and tried to bring her into his lap. "Just let it out, Xan. 'Tis easier if you let it out, rather than trying to hold it all back. Let me comfort you, if I might."

[sampippy]

"I don't wanna need comfort."

That one was a full whine. Also, ridiculous. But at least she moved willingly with him, even if she also ended up trying to hide her face against the crook of his neck pretty much immediately.

[vrajna_kralis]

That was fine. He just stroked her hair and rocked slightly. "But I would give it anyway," he told her, his arms a strong cradle around her.

[sampippy]

"I don't want you to go." Her voice was very quiet, and small, and all too sincere for her own liking. She made a face, not that he could see it. "Great, now I sound six."

[vrajna_kralis]

"Sound six for all I care," Hyacinthe said. "Sound four even. Stop running yourself down for having feelings, Xan."

[sampippy]

"But they're pointless."

Felt that way.

"I mean, I know you're gonna tell me they're, like, normal and healthy and whatever, but still."

[vrajna_kralis]

"No I'm not," he said, gently. "Instead, I'm going to tell you that swallowing them down turns them into poison. They can make you sick. They can make you mad. You needn't act on your every emotion, but you shouldn't hide them all, either."

[sampippy]

"It's not, like, poison-level swallowing," Xanthippe claimed. Sullenly. "I can be... sad, after you've gone."

Being it openly right now seemed like a waste of time. Hers and his.

[vrajna_kralis]

"But you are sad now," Hyacinthe said. "You can be sad that I am leaving. In fact, I think I'd be offended were you not." He kissed the top of her head. "Let us just sit here for a few minutes. I shall hold you and you can just feel. And perhaps, by then, the pain will be less immediate and we can move on to something else."

[sampippy]

Her eyes were welling up again.

Because the truth of the matter was that she was sad. She was so sad. Like, last time she could remember feeling this had been senior year, when she'd had to go back to Jacqueline and her dad's apartment and pack up everything from her old rooms, her home, after their divorce.

She made a frustrated, wet sound. But at least she didn't argue.

[vrajna_kralis]

"I am sorry for the hurt this causes you," Hyacinthe said, nuzzling her. "But I am glad you're letting me comfort you. If you fall apart now, I can help pick you back up."

Not put her back together. That was something only Xanthippe could do - and she would, she was brave and fierce. But he was there to help make the task less arduous, if he could.