A Dorm Room at Voorhees Hall, Columbia University, New York, Sunday

[sampippy]

Xanthippe was officially Stressed Out.

It was all over an essay, which wasn't even due until next Friday, but it was important and she had to get it perfect, because what if she didn't? What if she didn't, and she flunked out of the class, and she flunked right out of college, and her father would disown her and her mother would disown her and then she would have to move in with Kimmy and deal with that whole freak show and she would lose all status and purpose in life and probably, like, end up becoming BFFs with Kimmy's extra-weirdo landlady and getting matching tattoos in a crack den and --

Anyway, yeah, she was currently doing what any self-respecting college student would do in her situation: screaming into a pillow.

Thank Christ her roommates weren't home right now.

[ooc: NFB but open for texts/calls/surprise visits!]

Comments

[sampippy]

"Yeah," Xanthippe huffed. "I just -- I need a moment, it's fine."

She was already moving to get off the bed.

[vrajna_kralis]

"I...Xanthippe please," Hyacinthe said, reaching for her. Not that he had any idea what to do. "I know you're hurting. You need not do so alone."

[sampippy]

Xan batted his hands away, slipping from his grasp.

"No, I gotta. I have to, like... powder my nose or whatever, anyway."

[vrajna_kralis]

Hyacinthe let his hands fall, letting her go. "Of course," he said quietly. "As you will."

[sampippy]

Xanthippe didn't say anything further. Just slipped out of the room. Then crossed it, to get to their tiny private bathroom, where she promptly locked herself in.

And turned to stare at the mirror.

Okay, now she needed to claw her way back out from this overly familiar mood where she felt like she wanted to be screaming into a pillow. Again.

[vrajna_kralis]

Hyacinthe quietly finished up the rest of his lunch - he'd gone hungry too many times to let emotions steal his appetite - and then cleaned up the rest, setting hers aside in case she'd want it later.

Then eyed his clothing, confused. Should he get dressed? Offer to clear out? He compromised, pulling on his pants, but leaving his shirt and shoes off. Though nearby, just in case she wished him to go.

[sampippy]

Xanthippe was just quietly having a nervous breakdown.

She'd splashed her face with some water, and now, with her hands against the edgee of the sink, she was having a conversation with herself, half-aloud. Reminding herself that it wasn't as if he showed more than once a year anyway so what really was the big deal and just, what, what, why was she even like this, get it together, Xan.

[vrajna_kralis]

Her bed was cleared, her food in the fridge, and now Hyacinthe was tidying up her room. The blanket straightened from where they had mussed it. Her toy cleaned and set aside. The chair returned.

He had no idea how to help. He needed to go home. He had people depending on him. And he missed his mother, his friends, his home. But he had no desire to hurt her with this, either.

What do?

[sampippy]

Sometimes, hurt wasn't optional.

Eventually, Xanthippe managed to drag herself away from the bathroom. After wiping her eyes with some tissues, of course, and some more attempts at stern words at herself.

She stopped in the doorway to her roon. Leaned her shoulder awkwardly against the frame. "Sorry."

[vrajna_kralis]

"You are distressed," Hyacinthe said. "I understand, even though I do wish I were not the cause."

He lowered his eyes, lashes a black fan across his cheeks. "Ought I go?"

[sampippy]

Even like that, he was so pretty that it was unfair.

Xanthippe frowned hard at him. "You said today was about joy," she pointed out. "Do you really think it would make me, like, joyful or whatever if you left?"

[vrajna_kralis]

Angelic genetics - even distant ones - were a hell of a thing.

"Nay," Hyacinthe admitted. "But I did not exactly cause you joy several minutes ago either."

[sampippy]

"I'm fine."

Liar.

But she was trying. It was awfully natural for her, trying, she did it all the time. She stepped into the room and towards him, already forcing the frown to smooth out. Trying to find a convincing little smile.

"Everything's cool."

Liar.

[vrajna_kralis]

Yeah, Hyacinthe did not seem to be buying it.

"Eisheth's tits, Xan," he said, hands on his hips. "Do you need to be sad, be sad. Cry, rail, complain, yell if you need to. But do not pretend you are fine when you so obviously are not."

[sampippy]

What a short-lived attempt at a smile that'd been.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Xanthippe snapped. See? Super short-lived, because now she was frowning again, complete with a glare. "I'm trying not to make you feel bad!"

Because it kind of broke her heart to see it, on top of everything else.

[vrajna_kralis]

"You think I'm going to suddenly believe you're fine after you had to leave?" Hyacinthe snapped. "Grant me some intelligence, Xanthippe! You think I'll not feel worse that you're uncomfortable showing me your true feelings?"

[sampippy]

"I am uncomfortable showing you my true feelings!"

Except right this second. Right this second, she was yelling. Quite comfortably, at least if measured by whether she tried to hold it back any, or not.

"I'm uncomfortable showing anyone my real feelings! There's no point, everyone leaves." Or it was more like she didn't have anyone to begin with. But that was something of a separate issue. "And I can't even be mad at you because I get it, I know you have to go home! You have to go back to your -- your family and your friends and I get it."

Not as well as she would've liked to, considering how her own family-and-friends situation looked. But she'd seen enough movies and had enough empathy in her system to figure out how that was.

Her expression was still twisting with anger, though. "But I'm still gonna be here. So just let me do what I want!"

[vrajna_kralis]

She would kill herself, turn herself inside out for this family of hers and yet she couldn't understand that tug that pulled him home. That was a damn near tragedy.

"Fine, Xanthippe," Hya said, out of energy for anger. He had more sorrow than anything else, really. "If you needs must lie to me, do so. Just don't expect me to play along."

[sampippy]

Sorrow was private. Anger spilled outward more easily.

"Fuck you, Hyacinthe," Xanthippe snapped, proving the narrative's point.

She didn't know which point her eyes had welled up at. But she did know she had tears streaming down her face now.

[vrajna_kralis]

"I cann't pretend that you don't hurt!" Hyacinthe snapped back. "It is not in me to do so, not even for your pride! I would rather feel bad with you than be fine at your expense!"

[sampippy]

"It's not about pride!"

Although the way she was furiously wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her bathrobe probably was about that.

[vrajna_kralis]

"Then what's it about, Xan?" Hya demanded. "Make me understand, I beg of you!"

[sampippy]

"I don't know!"

That sounded a little more like a wail at the end, there, and she did not like it.

"I don't -- I didn't want today to be this." And that was more like a whine. A loud one, though. And desperate, somehow. "And at least just one miserable freaking person is better than two. If this is the, like, the second to last time I even see you then I don't wanna do it with you looking sad because it hurts, Hya, it hurts."

That wasn't really doing anything to the tears, by the way.

[vrajna_kralis]

"Nor did I," Hyacinthe said, his voice gentling some. "'Tis why I hadn't wished to tell you, or at least, not so soon. So today could be full of good memories, ones to cherish once I am gone." He stepped forward, closing the gap between them, bringing his hand up. He wanted to wipe away the remains of her tears, but was unsure she'd let him. "You think it doesn't hurt to see you struggle to put on a good face for me?"

[sampippy]

Xanthippe didn't move away, or try to stop him. So, that was at least something, right? But with her tear-streaked cheeks and the subtle tremble in her bottom lip as she exhaled, she looked kind of crushed.

She said nothing.