A Dorm Room at Voorhees Hall, Columbia University, New York, Sunday

[sampippy]

Xanthippe was officially Stressed Out.

It was all over an essay, which wasn't even due until next Friday, but it was important and she had to get it perfect, because what if she didn't? What if she didn't, and she flunked out of the class, and she flunked right out of college, and her father would disown her and her mother would disown her and then she would have to move in with Kimmy and deal with that whole freak show and she would lose all status and purpose in life and probably, like, end up becoming BFFs with Kimmy's extra-weirdo landlady and getting matching tattoos in a crack den and --

Anyway, yeah, she was currently doing what any self-respecting college student would do in her situation: screaming into a pillow.

Thank Christ her roommates weren't home right now.

[ooc: NFB but open for texts/calls/surprise visits!]

Comments

[sampippy]

See, now, this was a much more familiar feeling.

Something sinking.

Xanthippe blinked as she looked up at him, the smile already falling away. "Wait, what?"

[vrajna_kralis]

"I have to return home soon," Hyacinthe said gently. "My mother needs me. I have a life there. Soon, I shall have to come and say goodbye...and so I wanted one more visit that did not yet have to be goodbye."

[sampippy]

"Oh."

Goddammit, her voice sounded so small again. And her eyebrows were knitting together.

"And, you can't visit after goodbye? That's just gonna be it?"

[vrajna_kralis]

"I do not know," Hyacinthe said softly. "Here, I was supported by my patron or by my wages with the carnival. I could afford to travel sommat. Home, I scrabble for coin. I don't know how much a portal costs, never mind if I have the gold for it. First, my money must go to our survival 'ere I can worry about aught else."

[sampippy]

This time, her downward tilting chin and her downcast eyes weren't trying to hide a smile.

"Right, yeah. I get it."

The last of the crepes she'd been holding had lost all its appeal. She put it down on the plate.

[vrajna_kralis]

He gave her an apologetic look. "But 'tis why I wanted to come now," he said quickly. "Now for joy and again later for parting."

[sampippy]

Xanthippe glanced up, giving him such a look for even suggesting she wouldn't be sad now and later. Wallowing in her negative feelings was, like, one of the things she was really good at!

"Right."

[vrajna_kralis]

Well, he'd maybe not intended to have it come out now that the next time would be goodbye!

But she'd asked, and he had not the heart to lie.

"I am sorry, cherie. I did not mean to cause you pain."

[sampippy]

"Yeah," Xanthippe huffed. "I just -- I need a moment, it's fine."

She was already moving to get off the bed.

[vrajna_kralis]

"I...Xanthippe please," Hyacinthe said, reaching for her. Not that he had any idea what to do. "I know you're hurting. You need not do so alone."

[sampippy]

Xan batted his hands away, slipping from his grasp.

"No, I gotta. I have to, like... powder my nose or whatever, anyway."

[vrajna_kralis]

Hyacinthe let his hands fall, letting her go. "Of course," he said quietly. "As you will."

[sampippy]

Xanthippe didn't say anything further. Just slipped out of the room. Then crossed it, to get to their tiny private bathroom, where she promptly locked herself in.

And turned to stare at the mirror.

Okay, now she needed to claw her way back out from this overly familiar mood where she felt like she wanted to be screaming into a pillow. Again.

[vrajna_kralis]

Hyacinthe quietly finished up the rest of his lunch - he'd gone hungry too many times to let emotions steal his appetite - and then cleaned up the rest, setting hers aside in case she'd want it later.

Then eyed his clothing, confused. Should he get dressed? Offer to clear out? He compromised, pulling on his pants, but leaving his shirt and shoes off. Though nearby, just in case she wished him to go.

[sampippy]

Xanthippe was just quietly having a nervous breakdown.

She'd splashed her face with some water, and now, with her hands against the edgee of the sink, she was having a conversation with herself, half-aloud. Reminding herself that it wasn't as if he showed more than once a year anyway so what really was the big deal and just, what, what, why was she even like this, get it together, Xan.

[vrajna_kralis]

Her bed was cleared, her food in the fridge, and now Hyacinthe was tidying up her room. The blanket straightened from where they had mussed it. Her toy cleaned and set aside. The chair returned.

He had no idea how to help. He needed to go home. He had people depending on him. And he missed his mother, his friends, his home. But he had no desire to hurt her with this, either.

What do?

[sampippy]

Sometimes, hurt wasn't optional.

Eventually, Xanthippe managed to drag herself away from the bathroom. After wiping her eyes with some tissues, of course, and some more attempts at stern words at herself.

She stopped in the doorway to her roon. Leaned her shoulder awkwardly against the frame. "Sorry."

[vrajna_kralis]

"You are distressed," Hyacinthe said. "I understand, even though I do wish I were not the cause."

He lowered his eyes, lashes a black fan across his cheeks. "Ought I go?"

[sampippy]

Even like that, he was so pretty that it was unfair.

Xanthippe frowned hard at him. "You said today was about joy," she pointed out. "Do you really think it would make me, like, joyful or whatever if you left?"

[vrajna_kralis]

Angelic genetics - even distant ones - were a hell of a thing.

"Nay," Hyacinthe admitted. "But I did not exactly cause you joy several minutes ago either."

[sampippy]

"I'm fine."

Liar.

But she was trying. It was awfully natural for her, trying, she did it all the time. She stepped into the room and towards him, already forcing the frown to smooth out. Trying to find a convincing little smile.

"Everything's cool."

Liar.

[vrajna_kralis]

Yeah, Hyacinthe did not seem to be buying it.

"Eisheth's tits, Xan," he said, hands on his hips. "Do you need to be sad, be sad. Cry, rail, complain, yell if you need to. But do not pretend you are fine when you so obviously are not."

[sampippy]

What a short-lived attempt at a smile that'd been.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Xanthippe snapped. See? Super short-lived, because now she was frowning again, complete with a glare. "I'm trying not to make you feel bad!"

Because it kind of broke her heart to see it, on top of everything else.

[vrajna_kralis]

"You think I'm going to suddenly believe you're fine after you had to leave?" Hyacinthe snapped. "Grant me some intelligence, Xanthippe! You think I'll not feel worse that you're uncomfortable showing me your true feelings?"

[sampippy]

"I am uncomfortable showing you my true feelings!"

Except right this second. Right this second, she was yelling. Quite comfortably, at least if measured by whether she tried to hold it back any, or not.

"I'm uncomfortable showing anyone my real feelings! There's no point, everyone leaves." Or it was more like she didn't have anyone to begin with. But that was something of a separate issue. "And I can't even be mad at you because I get it, I know you have to go home! You have to go back to your -- your family and your friends and I get it."

Not as well as she would've liked to, considering how her own family-and-friends situation looked. But she'd seen enough movies and had enough empathy in her system to figure out how that was.

Her expression was still twisting with anger, though. "But I'm still gonna be here. So just let me do what I want!"