A Dorm Room at Voorhees Hall, Columbia University, New York, Sunday

[sampippy]

Xanthippe was officially Stressed Out.

It was all over an essay, which wasn't even due until next Friday, but it was important and she had to get it perfect, because what if she didn't? What if she didn't, and she flunked out of the class, and she flunked right out of college, and her father would disown her and her mother would disown her and then she would have to move in with Kimmy and deal with that whole freak show and she would lose all status and purpose in life and probably, like, end up becoming BFFs with Kimmy's extra-weirdo landlady and getting matching tattoos in a crack den and --

Anyway, yeah, she was currently doing what any self-respecting college student would do in her situation: screaming into a pillow.

Thank Christ her roommates weren't home right now.

[ooc: NFB but open for texts/calls/surprise visits!]

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[vrajna_kralis]

"I really like you, too, Xan," Hyacinthe said easily, no hesitation at all. He nuzzled her cheek. "Even those times you don't greet me at the door afire with need." He kissed her again, reluctantly easing himself out of her at the same time to dispose of the sheathe. "I will admit, though, I am fondest of those times."

[sampippy]

Xanthippe snorted, softly, settling back down onto his lap, mourning the loss of one point of contact but still enjoying the rest. "I mean, it's pretty easy to be like that," she said, one hand creeping up to lazily twirl some of his curls around her fingers. "You're hot."

But it wasn't just that, really.

[vrajna_kralis]

Hyacinthe smiled, fingers combing through her hair. "I would pretend to be affronted," he teased, "but I am feeling far too relaxed at present to truly make a believable go at it."

Leaning in, he let his finger brush along her cheek. "But I can say, with all sincerity, you feel good in my lap."

[sampippy]

"Thanks."

... Good to know she could still feel lame about saying things around him, because she felt it immediately after saying that single word. But it still didn't feel like as serious a thing as it might have, a year ago.

Anyway, she was nuzzling his hand. "Really it's that you kinda showed up at the right time."

[vrajna_kralis]

"Oh?" Hyacinthe asked. "You mentioned something about tears breaking things?"

Because he thought that pointing out that she'd seemed frazzled and harried might make her self-conscious again. Though it had led to her practically jumping on him, so he couldn't complain much.

[sampippy]

She sighed heavily, putting her head against his shoulder and nuzzling his neck. "It's this paper I have due next week."

Which she could only talk about that freely and without hyperventilating because she'd just jumped him. It had mellowed her down to just complain-y. For now.

"It's been destroying my life for like three days." A little dramatic, there, Xan, but okay.

[vrajna_kralis]

"Why?" Hyacinthe asked.

He was no scholar, though by this point, his education put him on par with most nobility in Terre D'Ange. Only the Habiru scholars, the scions of Shemhazai, and the pupils of Delaunay himself could be said to receive more schooling.

Of course, had he attended literally any other school than Damdom, he might have understood Xan's panic.

[sampippy]

"Because it's like, a really important paper." As you could tell from the emphasis.

She twisted his hair tightly around her fingers. "If I don't do really well, I might flunk the class."

[vrajna_kralis]

"Flunk?" Hyacinthe asked.

That was not a word Phedra had ever taught him, nor one he'd picked up on his own.

Again, Fandom.

[sampippy]

Yeah, the laugh that Xanthippe huffed out was directly connected to the realization that he'd never had to worry about - even when they'd been at the same school together.

(She'd had to worry even at Fandom, but only because she'd taken so many independent classes online.)

The laugh was also dry and joyless and kinda more of a noise that signaled her feelings on the unfairness of it all. "It means failing the class," she explained. "And possibly failing out of the school, too."

[vrajna_kralis]

The time Hyacinthe was from, even those nobles who could read often did so by moving their lips. The universities we're for the idle wealthy, of which he was neither.

"It seems cruel, to make so much hinge on so little," he said, brow furrowed. "Would you rather I left, that you can work? Or is there aught I can do to assist?"

He was thinking more 'sharpen quills' and 'refresh ink' than anything else. Xan was far smarter than he.

[sampippy]

Xanthippe pulled back to look at him. "I don't know, do you happen to know anything about the effects of seventh wave feminism on the eyeliner industry?"

So maybe the help she needed wasn't really on the level of ink and quills. If she'd even used those.

[vrajna_kralis]

"I don't even know what all of those words mean when used in that order," Hyacinthe said unashamed of his ignorance. Xanthippe would hardly understand what he meant if he asked her to, say, discuss the effect the philosophies of Naamah had on the industrialization of Terre D'ange, or some such. "Would it be better, then, that I leave you in peace?"

[sampippy]

"Please don't."

That came complete with a pout.

"I was literally --" she started to add, but then reconsidered. "I don't know if I should tell you." Because she was used to keeping her freakouts to herself. "Never mind."

[vrajna_kralis]

"You can tell me anything, Xan," Hyacinthe said softly. "And whether you tell me or no, I'll not leave if you wish me to stay." His hand was warm on her cheek. "But I would that you shared. You seem so unhappy."

[sampippy]

"I'm not unhappy," Xanthippe replied, unconvincingly. Seriously, just the way she said it was just the uncomfortable manner of someone trying to sell a statement she didn't believe in.

Or like someone saying what she thought she should. Despite the fact that she had just been telling him how something had been 'destroying her life', because those were totally the words of a happy person!

Also ignore the way her hand came up to cover the one he had on her cheek. The warmth of his skin against hers was a comfort.

[vrajna_kralis]

"Were you worried that tears of joy would harm your computer, then?" Hyacinthe asked, eyebrow raised. "I do not think there is anyone here who knows you even so well as I," he continued. "Nor have you ever mentioned anything here that has ever made you happy or that you enjoyed or that you looked forward to. And it is not because you are not someone who does not feel these things. I think it's because there's nothing here that makes you feel them."

[sampippy]

Xanthippe's face went on a whole journey of expressions.

First, she just looked kind of surprised and honestly almost faintly amused that he'd sassed her with the 'tears of joy' bit.

Then her expression opened up, because... Okay, no one but the shrinks they'd sent her to during and after her parents' divorce had really even tried to read her like that.

But, that also meant that no one had actually looked at her that closely, and she really only knew of one reaction to any danger to whatever front she was currently presenting. And that was to go on the defense.

Her eyebrows furrowed. Hard. "That's just, that's not true," she sputtered. "I'm just fine or whatever, it's normal to not be hap--"

Yeah, okay, she knew how stupid that sounded, and her mouth snapped shut.

[vrajna_kralis]

"It is not," Hyacinthe said, sharply. And then he gentled. "And you know 'tis not. You may believe that being unhappy now will ensure your unhappiness later and I'll not gainsay you, but please, Xanthippe, don't pretend that you're happy or that this is normal."

His thumb slid over and brushed against her lower lip. "You deserve better than this and I don't know why you disagree."

[sampippy]

This time, Xanthippe dropped her own hand back into her lap, and actually tried to evade his touch - although it was probably more of a side effect of her posture hunching up some than it was a movement to get away from him.

"Everything's fine," she reiterated, with slightly less fire but still scrunching up her face something fierce. "This s just... this is how life is. You know, for a, for a college student."

[vrajna_kralis]

"No, I really don't know," Hyacinthe said softly. "Your college is the only one I've ever been to. And the university in Caerdicca would never accept me, even did I have the means to pay for it. But does it seem that this is how life is for the other students here? Your roommates?"

[sampippy]

Xanthippe looked uncomfortable. There was even a slight squirm, and not in the fun way.

"Well, it's different for my roommates," she said, "because they're, like, jocks. All they have to care about is sports, and they barely even have to care about that because they're, like, so obscenely good at it or whatever."

She would've liked for something to feel that effortless to her, too.

[vrajna_kralis]

"It's very rare someone is so good at something that they need not work at it," Hyacinthe said softly. "And moreso that they'd all be clustered together like this. Xan, cherie, look at me. Please?"

[sampippy]

They were about two feet from the rowing machine her roommates devoted most of their free time to, so it was possible Xanthippe had undersold the effort they put towards being good at what they did.

Reluctantly, she looked at him. But she looked helpless and agitated.

[vrajna_kralis]

"Why are you so devoted to this one path?" he asked her. "Why do you feel like you have no options?"